So the story goes something like this…….you live in the suburbs, all of your friends are married, having or had children, and you are working away at the one thing that gets you out of bed in the morning…..your job! Let’s not confuse your job, whether it is your dream job or the stepping stone to something better as your choice to work instead of settling down and having a family because that IS a choice and if it is something you chose to do, I am happy for you! However, back to the job and being single because sometimes that is not even enough incentive to keep you going; but it’s all you have right now to keep you sane and feeling connected and purposeful. Unless of course, you are like me and you have been in so many dead end jobs that you want to run away and become a Tibetan nun! Not really, but career and job happiness is a whole other story that contributes to the single life and I will expand on that at a later time.
Now, let’s also clarify something about me and I am sure most of you…..I have a wonderful family and group of close friends whom I adore and appreciate more than anything. They will always be a very important part of my life but the sad reality is that as a single woman or man, never married and without children, it is all too easy to feel like an outsider in your own “clan”. Quite honestly, despite the momentary joy it brings, not knowing where you fit in is often very painful and difficult to live with most days.
I am sitting in my local Starbucks writing this page and I have seen everything a single woman living in suburbia needs to see and hear to feel completely depressed about their lives. Three ladies sitting in the chairs next to me, talking and laughing and rubbing their 8 month pregnant bellies. Two ladies on the other side of me, talking about their husbands as the diamonds on their ring fingers blind me as they catch the afternoon sun shining through the window; and the woman with her 3 or 4 year old son across from me, having lunch with him and adoring his sweet face, probably killing time before she has to pick up her older child from school. And all you can think of as your fertile loins start tugging harder and harder, when will it be my turn?!?!?!
The scene that is being played out above in Starbucks is a common occurrence in my world……whether it be a coffee shop, church, the grocery store or a stroll downtown, it only takes a moment and a glimpse into what family life is like around me to make me question everything about my own life? I can’t help but analyze, and over-analyze the situation by thinking, “What do they have that I don’t?” “What did they do differently?” “WHAT is it that I am doing wrong??????”